Happy Birthday, Dad!

Knowing my Dad just seeing this title is making him cringe.  Yes Dad, this whole post is about you.  


How will this wonderfully selfless man spend his birthday today?  Here with my mom, me and the kids.  He'll get here at 7:45am and leave around 6:00pm.  This has been the story of his life lately (since my hand surgery) and more or less for the past year (since I got pregnant).  He'll play with Fiona, give her horsey rides (yup, the same ones I got when I was a little girl), kiss up Euan and give him the hiccups.  We'll visit about anything and everything (I've learned lots of new things about my Dad in the past year and really enjoyed our conversations) and he'll wash diapers, dishes and maybe even the floors.  He might sit down if I tell him he should take a break for a minute, but he'll be folding clothes or stuffing diapers when he does.  If it wasn't raining he'd probably mow the lawn.  Before he and my mom leaves they'll make sure we have dinner ready and no they won't even eat with us (I ask....they say no).  


I am blessed to have this outstanding man as my Dad.  He is everything I could ask for as a Dad and Grandpa.  I am so very grateful he has put his own life on hold to help us.  Knowing my Dad, he didn't think twice about it.  Thank you for all you've done and continue to do for us.  I love you!  

2 Steps Back

Meet Big Red.

Long story short.  I first noticed popping (tendon moving out of its tunnel over the bone) in my wrist on September 17th.  I talked to the Doc and OT.  I stopped wrist exercises and got a new brace in hopes to alleviate this problem.  It helped a little but the popping kept happening.  This morning I called the Doc and we decided more immobilization was needed.  I see the Doc again next Monday.  I'm hoping for progress by then.  The plus side is I'm always wearing Badger colors.  Yes I drove home before realizing it wasn't the smartest thing I could have done.

*Dictated by me with Ryan working the keyboard.

Hand on the mend....

2 1/2 weeks post-op

The surgery on my hand was a success!  Recovery is slower than I'd like.  The pain is MUCH better since surgery.  It is still a bit painful but overall better.  More localized numbness to my thumb and pointer finger but that should improve.  Saturday when I was showering I noticed a pop/snap in my wrist - which I later learned is the tendon snapping over the bone out of the tunnel.  It has sporadically happened since and has set me back in my therapy (going 1-2x per week) and my return to work.  Boo.  My biggest complaint is the 3 pound weight limit (until 6 weeks post-op) which of course doesn't allow me to pick up either of my kids.  I can hold them if they are handed to me but very carefully and briefly.  So of course a big thank you to my parents who are essentially living here again these days.  I am so very thankful for you both. 

Since typing is not all that comfortable.....that is all from me! 

Surgery tomorrow!

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow.  I'm having surgery to fix my hand (deQuervain's tendinitis).  The surgery essentially releases the fibrous sheath over the tunnel (where the tendons live) which relieves pressure on the tendons.  A few looser fibrous layer will form which will be less constrictive.  This will hopefully take away the pain and numbness!  My doctor said it actually takes him about 10-15 minutes.  So I wonder why I need to be there 60 minutes before surgery? 

I've opted out of the feel good drugs.  If I wasn't breastfeeding I'd take them.  I'll take my ipod instead and listen to some music.  I dusted off my Kindle and bought a new book as I might have a minute or two to read while I am twiddling my thumbs (or thumb).  

I think I'm nervous about the aftermath mostly.  I won't be able to use my hand for a while which of course isn't ideal with a 3 month old and a 2 year old.  I'm also worried because it is my dominant hand....and then my mind goes to crazy places where everything goes wrong.  It's the nurse in me, so I talk myself back from the crazy place.

Anyway, I'll take my nervous energy to bed now.  I'll post when I've had a successful surgery. 

Robbie O'Neil (2/1/51 - 8/18/11)

On Thursday, August 18th the world lost one of the funniest people I've ever known.  My father-in-law, Robbie O'Neil. 

I am almost at a loss for words here.  The range of emotions that I've felt over the past almost 2 weeks (wow, it has already been that long) is incredible. 

I met Robb (I called him Dad) when I was 15 years old.  He was nothing but kind to me and he could make me laugh like no one else could.  His sense of humor was priceless and his one-liners are classic.  When Ryan and I were dating, at dinner (I was 16 years old), Dad threw out one of his famous one-liners and milk came spraying out of my nose.  Dad of course laughed, pointed and said "She's got milk coming out her nose."  It still makes me smile thinking about it. 

The man I got to know loved his family like crazy.  He always told my mother-in-law and his kids (including myself) he loved us.  When I left he always said two things, "Drive safely and I love you." 

Dad loved cars.  I didn't know someone could be as passionate about cars like he could.  His funeral procession was full of classic cars and was lead by two of his cars, a '69 Camaro and '64 Chevy Truck.  He would have loved it. 

The past few years were a struggle for him to put it nicely.  He grappled with alcoholism.  My brother-in-law I think said it best - He couldn't swallow his pride and admit he had a problem.  Watching his downward spiral was awful.  We tried so many times to get him help.  The man we knew was disappearing and it was heart breaking to see.  On some level his passing was odd in the fact that it seems like we had lost the Dad we knew years ago.  It is difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that now there is no longer hope of him conquering the disease.  

Ryan and Matt both spoke at his funeral.  I did not but would have said something like this.  Thank you for making me laugh.  You had the ability to put a smile on anyone's face.  Thank you for raising two great sons.  I will be eternally grateful for you giving me Ryan.  I pray you are at peace now and no longer suffering.  I love you. 

Goodbye 20's, Hello 30's!

Hello 30.  Seems weird.  And yet I have no idea why.  I also feel like I should care more about turning 30.  Maybe I am too busy and tired to care.  When I think about it my 20's were pretty awesome.  I was in college at the best university ever, University of Wisconsin - Madison.  Go Badgers!  I got my first "real" job at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin and still have that great job.  I married the love of my life.  We bought a couch, our first major purchase together....I was so nervous and it was less than $1,000.  We traveled the world, a few times!  We bought a house and I think I was less anxious about that than the couch.  We got new cars.  And of course we had two beautiful children! 

When I think about it, my 30's could seem a bit uneventful in comparison.  And yet with two young kids and Ryan as my hubby I have a feeling my 30's will be just as exciting as my 20's.  I am looking forward to the next decade.   

Back to work!

Euan was 12 weeks old on Monday.  Those were some of the quickest 12 weeks of my life, wow!  This milestone meant it was time to go back to work.  My first day back was Tuesday.  Ending my maternity leave I had mixed emotions.  While I would absolutely love to spend all my time with Fiona and Euan we need insurance so I have to work.  I don't want to dwell on something I can't change so I try to look at the bright side.  I have a job that I really enjoy for a variety of reasons (I work with great people and take care of great kids and families).  It also gets me out of the house which makes me feel adult-like for lack of a better phrase.  I appreciate the time I have with the kids a bit more too. 

I would have to say the first day back was a success.  It was nice to see my friends again and know I can still do my job.  I also was a bit less nervous about leaving the kids.  Probably because my parents are awesome and there couldn't be two better people to care for Fiona & Euan.  There isn't a better feeling than coming home to beautiful smiling faces and a little girl who says "Ma Ma." 

Euan & Dairy = Bad Day

On Monday we saw the allergist for Fiona (we did a skin test for soy & eggs which were both negative as they have been previously).  We will be doing a food challenge in September and I will keep my fingers (and toes) crossed.  While we were there we brought up the issues we had with Mr. Euan.  When his issues started I eliminated dairy for about 10 days and we thought we may have seen improvement in his demeanor, vomiting and pooping.  Once I eliminated soy everything was back to normal.  Based on that we were not sure if dairy was really a problem or not.  Ryan and I had discussed introducing dairy to see what happened and Dr. Lustig was supportive of that.  He said if it went well, great but if not he'd like to see him around his first birthday and he told us to let him know what happened.  Such a great doctor.  
Monday night I had some cheese in the form of my moms famous cheese dip.  It was heavenly and Fiona loved it too.  It was her first experience with it.  Her response was licking the tortilla chips clean and saying "Mmmmmmm" with a huge grin.  I didn't go crazy with the dairy as I was too nervous to do so.  Tuesday I had some cheesy lasagna, yummy!  I was feeling optimistic about it all and excited to eat cheese again.  Then Wednesday came along.  

Our happy guy (taken tonight)! 

Wednesday morning I noticed my happy little guy was crabby, gassy, wanting to eat every hour and not sleeping.  My Dad was here and we both were thinking the same thing.....dairy.  It was an obvious difference in his usual self.  Damn.  So of course I didn't eat any dairy on Wednesday.  Yesterday I noticed the changed in his pooping which had turned into diarrhea.  He had a few happy moments but was still very gassy.  Today was an overall good day, seems like the dairy is getting out of my milk and his system and we are getting our smiley guy back. 
We'll try again at a year but until then I will maintain my supply of rice milk and other dairy & soy free goodies. 

deQuervain's Tendinitis

I'll keep this post short as my hand is decently numb and hurts like heck! 

deQuervain's tendinitis.  Never heard of it?  Neither did I until Fiona was a few months old and my wrist and hand started to hurt.  I saw my primary care doc who suggested a brace and ibuprofen.  When it didn't improve I saw a specialist, Dr. Greg Watchmaker.  I got a cortisone shot in April 2010 and had great results.  It wasn't long before I forgot about it all together. 

When Euan was a few weeks old I began to remember.  At first it was not a big deal, just a bit of soreness and pain.  Last week it was getting decently uncomfortable so I made an appointment to see my friend again.  By Tuesday morning it was incredibly painful, very weak and decently numb.  There were bouts of pain that I swear made me see stars and then of course I puked.  I got another cortisone shot Tuesday afternoon.  I am still waiting for relief and hoping to see improvement soon.  Surgery was discussed but I really don't have time for that. 

Making Date Night a Success!

Celebrating 5 years
of marriage (2009).
Canoe Bay

Over the years we've figured out a few things that make date night successful and I thought I'd share what works for us.

1) Pick an appropriate place.  We choose to have date night over dinner.  Trying to have a serious conversation at 6:00pm on a Saturday night at BW3's (while yummy) might not be the best option.  Our favorite date night location is Mia Famiglia in Hales Corners. 
2) Plan ahead.  Make sure you both know when it is and allow enough time for good conversation.  Know where you will be going and if you need a reservation, make one. 
3) Make a list.  If you think you'll forget what you want to talk about write it down or tuck it away in the back of your mind.  We usually always discuss if there is anything we're doing that we would like to improve or anything we really appreciate as well as future short, and long term goals.
4) Put the cell phone away.  Nothing is more important than time with your spouse.  Facebook, friends and work will wait. 
5) Tell your waiter/waitress you are not in a hurry.  We make it clear we are happy to have a slow dinner and not in any rush (best to go later so you don't hold up the whole place of course).  Most good servers will get the hint and leave you be.  If not, tell them to go away. 
6) Have an open mind.  This is the time to bring up anything and everything.  Don't get defensive.  This is your spouse and their feelings and what they are saying is purely out of love for you (if not maybe you should look for a different partner).
7) Listen.  Enough said.
8) Hold hands.  Seems like an automatic way to calm down and connect.  Makes me smile just thinking about it. 

Since having kids I've found a few more things to add to the list:

1) Get a good babysitter.  If you don't trust the person your kids are with you won't be able to enjoy yourself. 
2) Pump before you go.  Any breastfeeding mom can tell you that life is much better when you are not engorged. 
3) Answer the cell phone only if it is the babysitter.  Instead of leaving it in the car, bring it with you but only answer for the babysitter.  Everyone else will wait. 
4) The kids.  Of course you will talk about them but make sure they are not the only topic of discussion.  This is date night after all.
5) Don't stay out too late.  A bit of a late night is fun, but don't close the bar or no one will be pleased with the middle of the night feeding.

We always go home happy and look forward to the next date night.  I'd love to hear what are your favorite things about date night.

Happy Dating!

Dating my husband.

I went on a date over the weekend.....with my husband.  It was really really nice.  We got a great piece of advice before we were married from the priest (who we consider a friend) that married us.  Keep dating.  Always.  Take the time to reconnect.  Don't just go to a movie and not talk to each other.  Even when life is busy and you have kids, don't forget the importance of the relationship between us.  Now, for a guy who has never been married I thought it was good advice then.  Now I think it is excellent advice. 


Date night - Athens (Sept 2006)



Every month we have date night.  We stick to it pretty closely (after each kiddo was born we took a brief hiatus and skipped a month).  Usually we go to dinner and take our time eating and talk.  We discuss anything from putting the toilet seat down to having children.  There are a few things we like to specifically ask or bring up.  Anything you want me to do differently?  Something I should keep doing?  What do you want to do in the next month?  Year?  Obviously this is not the only time we talk about this stuff but we both know we can and it is uninterrupted.  Date night is now more important than ever.  Our lives are busy and full of kids, diapers, dishes, laundry and the list goes on and on.  Remembering to keep our relationship strong needs to be a top priority and it sure is fun when we get the opportunity to do it in a quiet place together! 

So for now I will keep dating my husband.  It is something to look forward to every month....I suggest you try it.  You might learn something new about your partner or yourself. 

Sleep.

There must be a magic age where the transition occurs from being made to go to sleep and wanting to go to sleep.  This is the latest thought that came to me while feeding Euan at 1am.  I know two things for sure.  Most 23 month olds need helping knowing when to sleep and sometimes it is a fight (yup, Fiona is fighting her nap these days).  And if I can generalize I would say most 29 year olds would love to nap or sleep as long as they can at night. 

I vividly remember one day (I think I must have been in grade school) when my mom told me it was time to go to bed.  There was company at our house and I told her I didn't want to go and would never want to go to sleep at night.  She kindly told me that one day I would be happy to go to bed.  I of course thought she was crazy.  She was right, as she is about many things. 

So when does this transition happen?  High school?  College?  When you start your career?  When you can't sleep in anymore?  After you have kids?  I think it must be different for everyone.  I think for me it happened around early high school.  Feel free to share when it happened for you, I am genuinely curious!

There you have my very random thought of the day.  I think of such interesting things as I doze in and out of sleep. 

Learning to drive stick.

We have two cars, one I know how to drive and one I haven't a clue.  In April we bought a Ford Fiesta and my hubby has always wanted a manual car so I said sure.  I figured I would learn, but knew better than to try while I was puking and prego (however we did go out once in my mother-in-law's car in March for a few brief minutes before I puked).  So here we are in July.  I figured it was time to learn. 

Years ago I had driven a stick car once or twice for the fun of it.  I was ok but never really learned much.  Now I might actually need to get to work in this car, yikes!  I have taken the Fiesta out three times now (by myself) in the neighborhood and learned a few things.    

Things that are important to know.  1) Putting the car into first gear when you think it is third sounds bad and I am guessing isn't good for the car.  2) Shift gears without your foot on the gas.  Ryan tells me he mentioned this before my third time out....I think he didn't.  3) When in doubt put the clutch in.  Or pull over.  4) Trying to get going from a stop sign in second gear doesn't work too well.  First gear seems to work better.  5) Turning into the driveway at 20 mph while in second gear with Ryan in the garage causes him gray hair. 

The most comical part occurred last night when I was at a 4 way stop.  There was a car full of teenage (my best guess) boys.  I had my windows rolled down as did they.  They whistled at me and yelled "hey baby."  I laughed and let them go.  This is what I was thinking,  "Um, yeah, what do you want with an almost 30 year old, mother of two who hasn't showered today, got puked on multiple times and yup I'm pretty sure my left breast is now leaking milk".  Go find a nice girl half my age.  Apparently Ryan is right about one thing, I look cute driving his car. 

A clean bill of health!

Yesterday I had my 6 week postpartum check with my OB.  I had seen her 3 other times since Euan was born but this was the last official check.  Two of the other visits were for blood pressure issues and the last time I was there was for mastitis.  This time everything was perfect including my BP which was 118/76!  Yay!!  My doc and her assistant were joking that I'll have to call just to say hi since they are so used to seeing me every other week if not more often. 

It was really really nice to hear everything was good.  That hasn't happened since I was pregnant, something was always off.  It is also quite amazing to me how much better I feel now than I did while I was pregnant.  The other day my mom and I were talking about them being here to help with Fiona while I was pregnant.  Of course now it seems silly to me, taking care of Fiona alone isn't that hard....then I remembered I could barely care for myself more or less a one year old.  It just reminds me how terrible I felt and what a world of difference it is today.  I am still tired like every new mom is, but I will take that any day of the week! 

Soy free, dairy free = Happy Euan!

My Dad kindly reminded me the other day that I've never updated everyone on how Euan has been doing since I've gone to a restricted diet.  So I figured it was time I did and I am so pleased I have good news to report!

Euan "playing" outside!

I've been dairy & soy free for about 3 weeks now.  It has made a very obvious difference in Euan's life.  He is pooping about 6-7 times per day now which is pretty normal and it isn't pure water (sorry for the poopy details but hey, it's my blog).  He is vomiting less, he still has random spit ups but the big vomiting has stopped.  He doesn't want to eat all the time, he cluster feeds sometimes but is able to go a few hours at a crack.  He is so much happier!!  He doesn't cry and have terrible gas anymore.....YAY!  The whole thing makes me smile.  People ask about my being on a restricted diet and seeing the difference in Euan is worth any Taco Bell I could eat.  

Fiona loving life!

I have two kids with food issues.  Big deal.  They are happy and that is all that matters....we will deal with all the food stuff as it comes.  Happy kids make for a happy Mama! 

The best vacation....ever.

Paradise Found

Not sure if anyone has noticed the background picture of the blog or not but it is one of my very favorite pictures.  For those of you with smaller screens you might only be seeing sky so the photo is to the right.  The beach from Kamares, a city on the island of Sifnos, in Greece.  This was taken in September 2008 when Ryan and I were on the best vacation ever. 

Port City of Kamares, Our Home

Why was it the best?  Because it was an actual vacation!  Half the time vacation is full of plans and museums and activities and you come home exhausted.  These vacations are also good and we've done them.  But this was relaxing in every sense of the word.  We spent 9 nights in this little beach town and there was literally NOTHING to do.  Our biggest stressors on this vacation were which of the 3 places open for lunch should we eat at?  Red or white wine with dinner?  Where on the empty beach would you like to put the towel down?  Which book should I read next?  It was heaven on earth.  We had not a care in the world and we loved every second.  I often drift away to the beach and can feel the warm sun on my skin, the sand underneath me and hear the waves crashing.  It is a vivid memory I can easily bring back and it just makes me smile. 

Our last night.

We're going back.  It might be in 20 years but we will get there.  I have no doubt.  It was a magical time filled with nothing really but each other and paradise.  I highly suggest it. 

For more information on Sifnos or Greece please check out Matt Barrett's Guide to Greece.  It's freakishly detailed and a wonderful resource.  Incidentally, we accompanied his mother on our flight back to the states and had a nice conversation with her in the Athens airport.  Small world.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to all of the Dad's, Grandpa's, Father's to be and all those men who are the Father figures in someones life!  I am privileged enough to have two phenomenal men on my life that I would like to honor today.  My Dad and my husband.  Both different and yet have some great similarities and qualities! 

My Dad is hands down a great guy.  For those of you who know my Dad, you know he hates that I am even mentioning him....too bad!  It is well deserved.  He would do anything for his kids and he does.  The past year has just showcased every good quality he has.  Selfless.  Caring.  Hard-working.  Loving.  I really could go on and on.  I have seen a lot more of my Dad in the past months than I used to.  I never get sick of him or mad at him.  I really enjoy the time we have together.  We are always chatting about anything from poop (the kids, not ours) to politics.  He is everything a girl could ask for in a Dad and Grandfather.  He holds my hair when I vomit and he changes my kids poopy diapers.  The man is incredible in so many ways.  I am so glad I call him my Dad.  Guys like him don't come around very often, then along came Ryan. 

I've raved about my outstanding husband before, but he is really a phenomenal Dad.  I call him "The Daddyman."  Not exactly sure where that came from but it fits him well.  While he and my Dad have pretty different personalities they share some of those same great qualities.  Watching Ryan interact with the kids is heartwarming.  Fiona lights up when he comes home after hours of saying "Da-da."  I think he lights up a little more though.  I know he would do anything for his kids.  Watching the love grow between him and Euan is priceless.  

Happy Father's Day Dad & Ryan.  I love you both. 

Baby Books: Endearing Memories or Stress Producers

So is it just me or are baby books just around to cause parental anxiety?  I say this for two reasons. 

First of all, Ryan and I did a great job with Fiona's for about the first 2 months.  Then I did an ok job at writing in it but we fell off the wagon when it came to pictures.  Then there were those special pages - first vacations, holidays and such that were just left blank.  Of course when we got pregnant with Euan we knew we had to get hers "done" or at least caught up before he arrived.  So the weekend before Euan arrived Fiona's baby book was done, all the pictures printed and written in as best as we could.  I didn't find this very enjoyable, it actually stressed me out.  I felt like a bad mom for not having it done and was under the gun to get it done. 

Currently I feel guilty about not writing in Euan's.  Well, when I finished Fiona's I did write a few things in his (you know the, "who is your mom" page stuff).  I honestly didn't realize I hadn't written in his since he was born until last week.  There came the Mommy guilt.  I've kept the goodies from the hospital and cards from people to go in it and they are all sitting on top of the book on my dresser.  It is now calling my name and yet I am already behind.  Ahhhh! 

So I am wondering if people actually look at their baby books?  I really would like to know, please tell me!  We have Ryan's and we found it when we were looking for a baby picture of him after Fiona was born.  I don't think I've seen a baby book of mine (sorry Mom if I have and I don't remember it). 

Oh, and I am sure I will finish Euan's as I would feel too bad not to!  Although, I should probably start it first.  Maybe I'll do just that...it is 8:50pm though.  I think I'll go to bed.

Natural Flavors = Frustration

Natural flavors are two words I never thought twice about until I started reading food labels.  Now they drive me crazy.  Excuse me for saying but what the hell is a natural flavor?  I know companies want to keep their secret recipes secret but can't you just tell me what is in your food or beverage so I know if I can eat it?  It is no secret that Fiona has food allergies and I modified my diet while breastfeeding her.  Now of course her diet is different too.  I have again changed my diet for Euan. 

Today I got very irritated with the term natural flavors as I bought some dry roasted sun flower seeds (yup, I take full responsibility for not reading the label in the store, my fault and I will put my guard back up).  I get home, Fiona is sleeping, Euan is sleeping and I go to have a snack.  As I have a handful I look at the label and I roll my eyes and have some choice words as the last ingredient is natural flavors.  I stupidly assumed the one and only ingredient would be sunflower seeds.  Again, I will get my food guard back up and rolling.  

According to Title 21, Section 101, part 22 of the Code of Federal Regulations:
"The term natural flavor or natural flavoring means the essential oil, oleoresin, essence or extractive, protein hydrolysate, distillate, or any product of roasting, heating or enzymolysis, which contains the flavoring constituents derived from a spice, fruit or fruit juice, vegetable or vegetable juice, edible yeast, herb, bark, bud, root, leaf or similar plant material, meat, seafood, poultry, eggs, dairy products, or fermentation products thereof, whose significant function in food is flavoring rather than nutritional."

So really anything but the kitchen sink.  We got burned by the term natural flavors with Fiona.  The moral of the story is avoid natural flavors and read a label on the next thing you eat - there will probably be some natural flavors. 

One more thing....for those of you who know me, I drink Pepsi.  Last ingredient is natural flavors.  I spoke with multiple people at Pepsi who assure me there is no soy in Pepsi.  We've tested that, they are correct. 

Here we go!

So I miss my avenue for sharing my thoughts, feelings and updating everyone on the goings on in my life.  It didn't make sense to continue on with the Imperfectly Pregnant blog so I've created a new one.  I think it is titled appropriately - Imperfectly Living.  I am here doing my best to live life to the fullest each day and yet I sure don't do it perfectly, but who does? 

I can't tell you exactly what the blog will be about but I am guessing it will give you an insight into what is happening in my life.  It might be about the kids, weather, work, laundry, a trip to Target, vacation, hopes, dreams or realistically anything I think someone might enjoy reading. 

I feel a bit compelled to start where I left off from the last post of Imperfectly Pregnant - talking about our current life and how things are. 

I'm exhausted, frustrated and a bit sad.  We think Euan is having some food intolerance issues, similar to Fiona.  When I was pregnant I got asked about the possibility of this and I had asked her allergist.  He said there was no increased likelihood for him because of Fiona; instead it was higher because Ryan and I have allergies.  Ok.  I honestly didn't really think about it, probably for two reasons: I felt too crappy to do so and I didn't think it would happen.  I think I may have been wrong.  

Late last week we noticed Euan beginning to poop more frequently.  He is now going at least a dozen times a day if not up to 15 and it is pure liquid.  The seediness is gone.  He began to spit up and is now having frequent episodes of vomiting nearly every time he eats.  The gassiness is amazing.  To be frank, he farts like an adult.  He is increasingly unhappy with life, is obviously uncomfortable and struggles to sleep (many nights I just hope the sun comes up soon).  I feel like a bit of de-ja-vu here.  

Ryan and I talked and didn't know if we were jumping to conclusions but there have been obvious changes in his pooping, puking and demeanor in general.  We spoke with the pediatrician who agreed with our thought to eliminate dairy from my diet, as it is the most common allergy in babies.  Done.  Now is the hard part.... we wait (it can take a week or two before it is out of both of our systems) and pray pray pray it helps.  If not we will likely move on to eliminate soy.     

The whole thing breaks my heart.  All I want is for my kids to be happy and healthy and Euan is miserable.  I'd go back to vomiting myself silly if he'd feel better.  I can just hear my mom saying the same thing when I was sick.  It's just what a mother does.  What I can do now is feed, kiss, snuggle, change lots of diapers and wait. 

Fiona isn't a big fan either.  She gets upset when Euan cries, so at times we struggle to keep both from melting down.  I feel bad because he is nursing more frequently leaving less time for me to spend with her.  Thankfully she has lots of people around who love her. 

So like I said above, I am exhausted, sad and frustrated which in tern makes me crabby.  I apologize if I've been short or crabby with anyone; I am trying my best not to be.  There are many people who have called, written or sent gifts.  I am severely behind on returning phone calls, emails and writing thank-yous.  I will get to it.  It doesn't mean we don't appreciate it because we so deeply do.  It just means when Fiona goes to bed and the dishes are done we barely have time to speak to each other before we fall asleep or try to get ourselves to bed.  As I write this I am thinking...I should be sleeping. 

I'll keep you all posted..... until then, we'll wait.